This blog page has been launched to promote femininity and female empowerment, and to raise visibility of Fascinating Womanhood: an international femininity movement and guide to help women make their marriage into a lifelong love affair in the bestselling book written by Helen B. Andelin.
~ By Dixie Andelin Forsyth
When I was dating Bob and we began to be serious about each other, he confided in me one night “I have a secret to tell you that I have never told anyone---I tend to be lucky.”
I had never heard anyone say that before but I loved it. I wondered “Why does he feel lucky all the time? Is it true?”
Well, I found out the answer even before we got married. We were engaged and he had applied for a summer job in Canada at a big resort as a bell boy (he’s Canadian). He had worked there before, got good tips and it was a gorgeous place to live as well as work. He didn’t get the job. I wondered if he still felt lucky. He did! I learned a lot from him that day and for all the years we’ve been together since. He feels lucky, and tends to get lucky, because he is not only optimistic but grateful (he got another job, just as he figured). So…how does this apply to Fascinating Womanhood?
There are always hundreds of things to be grateful for and appreciate in our husbands. What do you love about him? What qualities does he have? Allow yourself to think and feel appreciation and admiration for this man you married.
Bob tells me that every morning, before he gets up (he’s an early riser), he lies in bed and for about 10 minutes or so he thinks of as many things as he can that he is thankful for, starting with his health, his body and so on. He not only thinks about feeling gratitude, but he allows himself to feel the gratitude---not just think it. Then he moves on to thinking about and then feeling gratitude for others, starting with me (which makes me lucky😊) and then our children, moving on to friends, our country, etc. He’s found that the list is endless.
We have problems like everyone does. We have lost loved ones and have cried and prayed about many things, he is always optimistic and grateful. He is grateful, feels the gratitude and then his whole day is set up. He is pretty much always cheerful and happy. And he does tend to get lucky.
I’ve learned from him. Every day it’s easy to see how lucky I am to be married to Bob. The more I appreciate him, and tell him, the more I feel lucky.
In the end, we don’t really believe in luck. The secret is something different. Gratitude can change your perspective on anything. Feeling appreciation and admiration for the many good qualities about the man we married will tend to have a positive effect on our marriages. And in our lives.
~ By an Anonymous Reader
I was one of those semi-liberated women who thought marriage should be on an equal basis. Boy, did I ever get my eyes opened! When first reading this book, I was turned off, thinking “It’s old fashioned and will never work” and “Why do I have to do it all? Why can’t he try harder?” Our marriage was on the brink of divorce. In fact, I had already filed but really wanted to stay with my husband because down deep I still loved him.
Whole avenues of happiness opened up for me when I applied a few tips from Fascinating Womanhood. My husband simply “ate up” the little things I tried. He was mistreating the children and being unkind to me because he hungered for appreciation and the knowledge that he was the leader of the household. At first, it was very hard for me to keep my “big mouth” shut when he ordered the kids around. But it was unbelievable how fast he quit when he saw I wouldn’t put him down. This past month he has taken the kids to the mountains twice for picnics. Before, this just wasn’t done—I did it all! Last night he brought home treats to both children. Before “You don’t get something for nothing” was his motto.
At times, he still tests me to see if I will react to things like I used to, but when I don’t, his treatment of me changes to one of respect and kindness! Now he tells all his friends what a “wonderful wife” he has.
Fascinating Womanhood….thank you!
~ By an Anonymous Reader
With no major marital problems or even very minor ones, this course has left me with the knowledge of a power, which I intend to perfect. I want to to smooth out the days of frustration and confusion that I have always thought were meant to be part of life of two imperfect human beings living together. At these times, I would wonder why all the days couldn’t be as glorious as the harmonious ones we frequently enjoyed. I can best describe it as going from one patch of flowers to the next, but passing through patches of weeds in between…and yet I know that it is possible for flowers to grow in vast fields uninterrupted. Little did I know I was also cultivating weeds! I have always put my husband first, but didn’t realize I was trying to share his role as man and thought it was my duty to share his responsibilities. I can’t believe I have actually given up sharing his role as leader, and how much more he is talking these days, voluntarily. I’ll have feelings of guilt from time to time as life seems to much more enjoyable. However, this is quickly relieved as I remind myself how much happier my husband is, and how much more he seems to enjoy ME! We have a 5-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl and we feel that one of the greatest things we can do for them is teach them regard for the opposite sex, to teach them their rightful roles and most important, be examples of those roles in living in harmony and superior love. My husband seems to beam at this new realization of what a manly creature he really is. I thank Fascinating Womanhood and my husband does too!
~ By DAF
HOW TO SPOT A RAT
Or Avoiding Not-So-Nice Guys
Good men are amazing. They protect us, love us, and are our best friends. But unfortunately, not all men are great. In fact, some are rats---men we should stay far away from.
But how can you tell a man who has the qualities of a wonderful husband from a guy who is a nightmare? If you meet men on the internet, you will be a bit more limited in your ability to gather optimum information, but there are still many clues. Here are a few to look for whether you meet him in real life or online:
1. Is he superficial? Though he might be charming, does he talk more about himself or shallow subjects (his car, clothes, jewelry, video games, overly focused on his looks or yours etc.) than anything substantial?
2. Is he often critical of others such as colleagues, family or friends? Does he constantly talk about how “stupid” others are?
3. Is he a self-promoter? Does he talk a lot about how great he is, his accomplishments and how much money he is going to make (or has made)? Men who a lot about themselves are much more likely to be narcissistic and selfish.
4. Is he unambitious or lazy? Does he have life goals? Does he talk about his work, his education, friends and family or does he talk more about video games and what fun thing he is going to do next?
5. Is he more interested in finding truth or being politically correct?
6. Does he talk about personal growth? Is he interested in doing what’s right?
7. Is he spiritual and interested in a Higher Power? Men who are interested in spiritual things are more likely to be interested in being honorable.
8. Does he talk graphically about sex? This is a big clue as to what is most important to him about his relationship with you.
9. Is he willing to wait until after marriage for sex? There are many women today who assume that sex before marriage is a given. It’s actually high-risk behavior. Men who use women or who have little substance to them seldom, if ever, will stay with a woman who is determined to wait until marriage to give herself fully to him. There are other reasons outlined in my new book soon to be available “Fascinating Womanhood for the Timeless Woman.”
10. Does he constantly flatter you and tell you how beautiful you are, yet doesn’t seem to respect you?
These are some of the more obvious behaviors and attitudes to look for, but there are even more.
Even though a superficial man might be charming, as you get to know him and spend time with him, you can become aware of warning vibes. If you are aware, he will let slip some things no matter how he tries, especially when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, or under the influences of substances such as drugs or alcohol.
If you meet a man who fits one or more of these characteristics, it doesn’t mean conclusively that he someone to not consider. But you should be careful. He might be a man who wants to be a good guy but has low self-esteem, or perhaps he’s been through a lot. But remember, you can change only yourself. You can’t change him. Feminine power allows you to have sometimes astonishing influence on others but it’s influence, not overt control. What that means is, if you try to exert your feminine power in order to change another, it won’t have the desired effect.
Our greatest strength lies in accepting others as they are and trying to live in a character-driven, feminine way. Our charm and love for others does more to influence them than manipulation ever could.
He might change, but don’t plan on it. You must be wise. You are a feminine woman of immeasurable worth. There are lots of wonderful men still out there—that’s what you want. These are men who honor masculinity as well as femininity. Using the principles of F.W. can do more to help you find him than you can imagine. But you need to avoid the sort of man who might disrespect, hurt or abuse you.
~ By DAF
Historically, there has been a spectacular disregard for women and our basic value. In some countries, when a girl is on her period, she is considered unclean. Without adequate sanitary protection, she has no choice but to stay home from school during this time. That means she likely misses about a week of her education per month. This can significantly alter even her ability to be educated which can affect her whole life.
Women contribute to society in similar ways to men. We are leaders, scientists, artists, musicians, poets, dancers, and heads of companies. But you are valuable as a woman in your own right. Our worth does not depend on our position or diminish mans' worth.
Women and men are equally necessary and important. However, we have not been treated as valuable in most world societies. In some countries, a woman’s grave is not marked or her birth recorded. The men who are supposed to love her and protect her have the power to kill her when they choose; and they sometimes do.
Doesn't it seem obvious that we are valuable? After-all, we make up approximately half the humans on earth. Every man or woman born, all the great ones in history; the rulers, explorers, scientists and inventors; all were born of woman, carried and delivered with great pain and suffering. Almost every person who has ever lived has been raised by a woman or women. Yet our worth is not obvious, even to us at times.*. It’s strange when you think about it.
The truth is, we are not only valuable, we are essential. Not just because we are capable of giving birth. Much more than that. At the least, we are what makes life worth living for men—we inspire them. We make the world a more beautiful place and we add feminine perspective. We are nurturers. We care about how people feel, not just that the “job gets done.” Can you imagine a world where no one cared about how people feel about what they are doing? We are the sensitive ones. But at our worst, we can make life hell for not only men but everyone else.
~ By Dixie Andelin Forsyth
I recently had an interesting exchange with one of our online Fascinating Womanhood friends in the U.K. She is a barrister which we refer to as an attorney in the United States. We have talked before about the challenges of being feminine while working in a formal, and often adversarial environment.
With her permission, I share what she said: “I decided to try a tip from FW yesterday and wear a ribbon in my hair. I felt silly…I’m a professional, grown woman, not a 5-year-old! But I chose a light pink satin ribbon that I had in my craft box and tied my hair half-up and half-down. I’ll admit, I did feel feminine! My husband was looking at it curiously all day. In the afternoon, he said “I like that bow!” I said, “Oh, what do you like about it?” He said, “It’s pretty, and unexpected!” I guess that’s my new goal.
I responded to her story by telling her I wondered what would happen if she wore the ribbon to work. Why should feminine be labeled unprofessional? She said she wished she could but having to wear both a barrister’s wig as well as a robe wouldn’t work so well with the pink ribbon. I forgot they have to wear those wigs! A pink satin ribbon on a formal barrister wig might not be an appropriate legal look. She said she always wears heels and a skirt to court rather than trousers like most female barristers wear, so she is being as feminine as she dares. She said if she wore a bow to court, no one would take her seriously and would mistakenly associate feminine with childish.
That brings up a point. Why and how did looking feminine become associated with not being taken seriously? Has anyone ever challenged that notion? I don’t think it’s an established fact that looking like a feminine woman means you can’t be a professional.
My husband Bob tells me all the time that men want a level playing field in professional settings. They would feel at a disadvantage with a feminine woman, especially the complete package; one who looks, moves and acts feminine. What is really going on here?
Masculine men hate to do battle with a fascinating woman. It makes them feel like a cad--yet also vulnerable. They may have conflicting feelings of wanting to protect, yet needing to win. What do they do? Well, maybe that’s why they say a feminine woman is unprofessional. It’s their way of protecting themselves.
Why not be feminine in all areas of our life? Men have advantages—so do we. We just need to exercise them. We aren’t trying to be adversarial because men can be wonderful and we need each other. But we don’t need to be at a disadvantage either. Men already have many things stacked in their favor. We can stack a few in ours—in a charming and delightful way of course. In the end, they will be fascinated, which makes them feel good though not always in total control. Let’s keep them a bit more on their toes. In the meantime, it’s great that there is at least one feminine barrister out there. I love it!
~ By DAF
What do you do if you are the one who loses trust in him? Let’s look at the times when women are tempted to lose trust for their otherwise, decent and honorable husband.
What if he has been injured and can’t take care of you the way he used to and you must take care of him? What if he has a serious illness and becomes weak and bedridden? This doesn't mean you can't trust his intentions. You know, if he could, he would handle his usual responsibilities. Life can be hard. Sometimes tragedy strikes and roles are reversed. You may have to take on some responsibilities that are normally his and that you might not even want. True and deep love can weather all these things.
What if he loses his job? You can become closer during hard times if you love and support each other. There is no need for trust to be broken or damaged just because of life challenges. In fact, it’s an opportunity for you to deepen your relationship more than ever if you are a fascinating woman.
Building trust when the relationship is new is much easier than getting it back once it’s lost. When you first meet someone, you tend to extend a degree of trust based on benefit of the doubt or first impressions. You have no reason not to trust him. This new credibility is not deep but is foundational. Deep trust must be established over time; there is no substitute or quick easy way.
Regaining trust may involve sacrifice on your part and finding opportunity through smaller tasks to still admire him for what he can do with limited capability. Applying the timeless principles of Fascinating Womanhood will pull you through tough times. You may even find such challenges lead to a deeper relationship.
~ By Anonymous
I was married at age 18 and at the time thought I was a mature and wonderful wife. It was nice to be so young and so sure of myself. But, as the years went on, I began to get faint inklings that maybe I had a few things to learn. We had a happy life together in spite of my inability to handle squabbles and heartaches.
In the spring of last year, I was introduced to Fascinating Womanhood and a whole new world seemed to open up to me. I happily practiced its principles and went out of my way to make my husband happy. I found myself happier than I had ever been—and the goal of Celestial Love becoming more and more a reality.
One day I really backslid! I was watching TV while the children ran and yelled and my husband tried to talk to me. I forgot all about being fascinating and yelled for everyone to “shut up.” Realizing what I had done, I went after him but he made it known that he wasn’t happy with me. I apologized and put everything I had learned to work on him.
Within an hour, I accomplished what used to take days, and we spent a lovely evening together, talking and loving each other.
I will always be grateful to Fascinating Womanhood for that evening, because it was the last year we ever had together. My husband was critically injured the next day.
As I sat by his bedside hoping and praying, I was so thankful we didn’t part on a sour note. I used this time to again put Fascinating Womanhood to work and told him how important he was to me, how brave and masculine he was and how much I loved him. He lived 30 days.
Now I am a widow with very tender memories and thankfulness for the few very, very special months we had and the joy we knew thanks to Fascinating Womanhood.