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This blog page has been launched to promote femininity and female empowerment, and to raise visibility of Fascinating Womanhood: an international femininity movement and guide to help women make their marriage into a lifelong love affair in the bestselling book written by Helen B. Andelin.  

Vintage Advice from Helen Andelin

Richard Forsyth

helen in the early 50's Remastered Smaller JPG.jpg

From an article from a 1979 newsletter

   There are certain laws of human nature under which humanity lives. These laws are as absolute as are the laws of science. When we break these laws, there will be adversity, just as when we break the laws of science.

   There are some common ways that some women tend to break these laws of human nature, which brings much trouble into marriage. Three of the most common are:

1. Giving Advice: Women sometimes tend to give advice too freely. When a man is talking, they always have something to say, are always advising, and cautioning. And they tend to speak before they think, before giving careful thought to the subject.  Then they support their advice, listing many reasons for doing things the way they think is right. And last, the advice they give is often too pushy. These ways can bring out a negative response in a man. Here are a few guidelines to follow in cooperating with the laws of masculine nature:

   When a man is explaining his plans or problems, have the self-discipline to listen. A woman can best serve her husband by remaining quiet while he is presenting his viewpoint or plans.  She should learn to listen, to be his sounding board and to offer understanding and encouragement. He needs this more than he needs advice.

   Next, think before you speak. Don’t give advice at random. Withhold your opinions until you have had time to think things through, to weigh out facts and problems. Remember, advice is no small thing. It can have its influence. Your husband may have arrived at his own decisions after much deliberation. You owe him the same. Random advice may only confuse or frustrate him.

   The rule for giving advice is: Only express your opinions when you are sure of yourself and when you’re sure he’s open to it. This may come after much thinking. And, avoid listing reasons why he should do as you suggest. This does not work well with most men and can bring out a defensive attitude which might weaken your position. When giving advice, use the words, “I feel”, rather than phrases like “you should”, or “I think”. Don’t appear too pushy by insisting he do things your way.

   A self-assured, yet feminine expression of your feelings can influence a man’s thinking and does so without being a threat to his masculinity. You have not challenged his own thinking and decisions.  When a man takes feminine advice, some of the burden of the responsibility for that decision is lifted from him and he might feel somewhat relieved. But, the woman might emotionally assume more responsibility which is one reason she should be sure of herself before giving advice.

   When you have given advice, if your husband resists, do not make the mistake of persisting or you will find yourself playing the role of the nagging wife. Instead, let the matter rest and place it in God’s hands. A woman will do more for a man by praying for him than by pushing him to do things her way.

2. Solving his Problems: Another way women sometimes break the laws of human nature is by trying to ease the husband’s masculine load. They may seek employment, not to develop their talents or for real need, but in an attempt to make their husband’s responsibility easier. They may also try to do more of the masculine work at home. When women do a man’s work, it’s not a question of her ability.  Women can do many masculine jobs adequately, even well. There are some things a woman should not do no matter if she thinks she can do them or not.  Stepping into a masculine role can upset the balance of human nature, and marriages.
When women who have small children work when they don’t really need to, they find themselves in a double role.
 
3. Dwelling On His Faults: Another way we can interfere with healthy human relationships is by criticism. Our failure is to realize that all human beings have both weaknesses and strengths, and that our virtues and faults are different from one another. This is why it is so difficult to overlook a fault in another and appreciate virtues.  There is always a tendency to condemn a fault we do not have.  And in the same way, we sometimes fail to appreciate a virtue in someone else we do not have. A husband should be viewed as a human being with both strengths and weaknesses. That way, we help to influence him, in a feminine way, to be the best he can be.