~ By Dixie Andelin Forsyth
One of the most powerful chapters in Fascinating Womanhood deals with acceptance of your man at face value. But, what does that mean—exactly?
To accept your husband or anyone means exactly that—you are content with him, as he is, today. Warts, moles, bad breath and all. Of course, that doesn’t mean you accept him being a terrorist, an abusive person, or a bank robber. But most men don’t qualify for those titles.
There is sometimes confusion between manipulation and sincerity—it almost always comes when you aren’t even aware that you are behaving in a certain way in order to affect a desired result. When you really accept him, you don’t get frustrated when, after your efforts, he still acts a certain way or maintains, what you see, as a bad habit.
All people, whether they are men or women, long to be accepted for who they are. Now. Not for who they might become. When a person feels accepted, they feel safe, comfortable and they don’t feel the need to worry that if they make a mistake, they will be criticized, looked down on, or even rejected. When a person, in this case a man, doesn’t feel accepted, he often begins to avoid his wife, or stubbornly hangs on to a habit or behavior even more.
Sometimes, though we are well-meaning, we marry a man and unconsciously think “What a great man he will be once he is around me.” Part of this is true—when a good man is around a feminine, good woman, we tend to “gentle” them and they act more mature. And Perhaps some of our tendency to try and change our husband stems from our natural maternal instincts. When we are mothers, we have the responsibility to raise children and help to become mature, responsible adults. But husbands are a different thing altogether. They aren’t children. When we try to change them, we become guilty of trampling on their masculine pride, we fail to understand them and their need to feel manly, admired, and accepted by us.
Trying to change him simply doesn’t work. It never has. It does damage your relationship though. No one wants that. But---when you learn to accept him, really accept him, you might be surprised at the result. It’s a by-product though, not the end goal.
If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to spend every spare moment with you, consider whether you truly accept him. If you don’t, he’ll know. The good news is, you can start today accepting him at face value. You’ll be happier. And who knows? You might be get a pleasant, unexpected surprise. In any case, you will both feel a lot more peace and happiness.