~ From an Anonymous Contributor
There's been this thing I've been trying to change in my husband for several years. I don't tell anyone about it because I don't want to dishonor or embarrass him. This is a closed group and I don't know any of you personally so I'll share.
He took up chewing tobacco 4 1/2 or 5 years ago and he knows I don't like it. I've suggested alternatives, threatened, nagged, given cold shoulder, pressured him to change etc. It would only cause him to dip more and distance himself when I put the pressure on.
Reminded of Fascinating Womanhood last month, I picked it up again after years of forgetfully neglecting the principles; the 'accept him' chapter I remembered once I dusted my memory a bit but took a while to re-process. Embracing Fascinating Womanhood meant accepting him. Period. The good, the bad, the everything. Not approving, but accepting. And surrendering him to God while limiting my influence to my feminine role as his wife, his woman, his cheerleader, his help-meet. Choosing to focus on appreciating and admiring the good and noble and honorable in him while turning a dim eye to this less than desirable habit.
Since then I have determined to accept, appreciate, admire, and keep a 'love journal' to note positive responses.
Being this kind of woman brings a lot of joy! It's been awhile since I've felt so happy and fulfilled pertaining to our marriage! We are both enjoying it.
Monday morning, we woke up and he said, "I took my last dip yesterday at 1 o’clock." I sat there wondering why he was telling me he'd taken his last dip in the pool, so off-my-radar was the whole chewing tobacco topic to me and so unexpected at this point. I wasn't even thinking about it anymore much less excepting him to say he's quitting. Sitting there continuing to rub his socked foot a bit I blinked when I realized what he meant by 'dip'. Not a pool 'dip', but tobacco 'dip'. He was saying he was quitting tobacco. I had waited for YEARS to hear those words, yet rather than responding as I thought I would with tears of joy, as it sunk in it rather surprised me how removed I'd become on the subject. My focus had shifted from the habit to the man. I was finding so much admiration and appreciation for the man (thanks Fascinating Womanhood!) that the habit dimmed in comparison.
He's on day four of quitting. Tobacco is tough to quit; a grueling process. At this point, whether he succeeds in quitting or not I will, by the grace and help of God, continue to live Fascinating Womanhood and stop being the fault-finding, nagging, critical wife he knew quite well awhile back.
I don't know if having his wife live Fascinating Womanhood inspired him to quit. Quite possibly there was some other motivating factor. I'm not trying to live Fascinating Womanhood to get my husband to change. I'm seeing my need to change. Which seems to be where the problem was in the first place.
He keeps going back to the phrase, “You’re nicer to me lately”.
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