~ By an Anonymous Contributor,
George and I have been married for 16 years. The joy I expected in being married ended with “I do.” I was sure that if we just tried we could have a beautiful marriage, even though n one we knew had this kind of marriage. The trouble was George would not try. I read everything I could get my hands on. George would not read it or allow me to read it to him. I would leave magazine articles about marriage around. All to no avail.
I went to a psychologist 6 times. He told me “we never give advice, but if I were you, I would leave him. You will not live more then 10 years if you remain with him.” But I could not believe that divorce was the answer. Besides, we have 3 children and what effect would I have if I were divorced? Besides that, I had made a vow, for better or for worse.
George did not hit me or anything like that, and he was faithful to me. But he totally ignored me and the children. He would not give me 5 minutes of his time. He was busy with his work and his own interests. He would not help with the children. If he tied a shoe lace when they were small, he acted like a martyr. He would not take me any place or buy me anything. Money was not for spending except for outright necessities.
He would get angry with me over little things which would crush me. This hurt so badly. By threat of divorce, I forced him to a church related marriage counselor with me. This really helped change a poor marriage to a better one. But, there was no joy, happiness or sparkle.
After six months, I realized I no longer loved him. It was dead, killed by so many years of neglect and hurt. Can you imagine what it is to clean house, cook, and take care of the children of a man you do not love? But George always said he loved me. This was difficult to understand.
I would remember the lovely friendship we had before we were married. What fun we had together. How we adored each other. And I would wonder what happened. I’ve wondered why I married him. Thousands of times I’ve thought, “Why did I do it? Why did I marry him?”
Last summer a friend loaned me Fascinating Womanhood. That very day our marriage began to change from good to excellent. I had thought if he would only change. But it was I who needed to change. I had been trying to change him. I belittled him, criticized him, I bossed him in little ways and I was playing mother. I did not admire him (poor guy) and I did not concentrate on his good side. I concentrated on his bad side with a magnifying glass. But I was not all bad. I did keep myself clean and pretty and was a good mother, cook and homemaker.
When I admire him, I feel sort of silly and clumsy and I’m not very good at all but that does not matter how I mess it up or goop it on. He loves it. I have always met his physical needs; sex, clean clothes, clean house, etc. His spiritual needs are met because he is a Christian and reads the Bible every day and prays. But I have not been feeding his soul. I didn’t know. Isn’t that pitiful? Now I try to feed his soul a minimum of 3 times a day. I think, “Did I give his soul breakfast today?”
George is delighted with the change in me. Recently he said, “I can hardly believe I finally have the kind of wife I’ve always wanted to have.” He has taken more interest in the children. He is opening up. He is not so stingy. My love for him is coming back. Thank you for Fascinating Womanhood. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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