~ From an Anonymous Contributor,
I was feeling very depressed and discouraged with life. There seemed no purpose or reward, and I seemed to myself a very unimportant thing. I would try to pull myself out of this by saying, “You are the mother of two children, so therefore you do have at least an obligation to raise them to be good citizens. The things I had always enjoyed held no joy anymore. I would sit and knit or sew and strive for that ounce of pleasure I was sure it would bring. But nothing, I was empty.
I can look back now and see where my trouble started, but at the time I was lost. My husband and I had been married ten years before we had any children. Our marriage was average; really no troubles or problems that were insurmountable. I worked most of those years and was content. Then, two children later and in the midst of building our dream house, I started becoming ill. I experienced a dreadful, anxious feeling that I was to be tortured with for eighteen months. It was an endless round of doctors whom I tried to convince that something was wrong with me. They could find nothing
Finally, in desperation, convinced that my sanity was leaving, I went for psychiatric treatment for three months. I learned that I was emotionally mixed-up. In the course of the sessions, the doctor managed to convince me that I was married to an immature, selfish tyrant, which is not the case at all. He convinced me that I was right and my husband was wrong.
Well, I thought I had problems before, but now I set about to change my husband. I managed to do it alright. I changed him from a loving, tender, and very understanding man to a violent, uncommunicative, withdrawn tyrant who did things so out of character that even he could not account for them. Bit by bit, nag by nag, accusation by accusation, I built the biggest and most insurmountable wall of reserve in my marriage anyone ever saw. It made the Great Wall of China look like a child’s toy.
Once the wall was up, I tried to tear down my husband, instead of the wall. In return, I received threats of desertion, violent outbursts, and saw a happy man retreat into such deep depressions that I feared at times he might take his own life. Of course, I was all right. I even told him it was a phase he was going through and I wished he would hurry up.
I used to ask him why he didn’t appreciate me. I was everything a wife should be. Ha! Oh yes, I kept the house clean, the children clean, and I couldn’t help it if I was moody and depressed and didn’t ever feel good. Anyone who tried as hard at marriage as I did and sacrificed so much just trying to win my husband’s approval had a right to feel like me.
One day, when I was reciting my usual tale of woe and misery to a friend, she gave me Fascinating Womanhood and said, “Please read this and pay careful attention to Inner Happiness and Worthy Character. I read it and it seemed too deep for me. I thought, I will never be able to be like that. I will try, but I just don’t think I can.
And I can say here and now that I never would have been able to without the help of my Fascinating Womanhood teacher. She was a magnificent inspiration. I began to live Fascinating Womanhood and the walls of reserve soon came down. Fascinating Womanhood has saved my marriage and made my husband happy once again. I am now enjoying the flowers and trying very hard to remember Fascinating Womanhood every day.
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